Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Birthday Boy Having a Birthday Week

   As August 29th approaches our home is filled with the chatter of a little man and his birthday wishes and Mommy’s chaotic preparation for a birthday bake a thon. Because I just can’t say no to the adorable little requests of a soon to be three year old. Not to mention to add to the chaos my folks are coming into town. This I must state right now is something I am whole heartedly ecstatic about, however I also  can’t help but feel the desperate need to clean this house in a way it hasn’t been cleaned since…exactly when Jesse was coming home on leave. Because let’s face it, a quick wipe down and a once over is good enough when it’s just you and the kiddos.  On a side note I should also say that my dear Mother won’t really care because 1. She knows how hard this is 2. She also won’t notice because the kiddos will keep her good and distracted…problem is I WILL NOTICE!!!  For some God forsaken reason whenever I have company I have to deep clean everything. Problem with that is kids don’t understand such concepts. Perfect example: I finished cleaning the whole families’ bedding from mattress to comforter, and even bedtime "snugglys"(stuffed animals etc.); that morning Tristan had his first accident since starting potty training, and Brianna….well let’s just say poop was everywhereL . This folks is why I never deep clean…it’s the two toddler curse. Same goes for the car, clean the car seats and they will inevitably puke or spill.  But on the positive note, here’s the thing I can’t get over…all this is in celebration of little man. Our little baby boy is already three years old and all I can think about is “where did all that time go??”
   It was this time around January three years ago, Jesse and I just sat there in denial that this was actually going to happen. Ready or not here comes baby I believe was our mantra at first. However, shortly after his arrival Tristan turned out to be the missing piece that we never knew was missing. He just made everything …more. I knew from day one he was going to be a challenge. That’s something I can’t deny. In utero that kid was a little Kung foo ninja…almost all night, and especially to Daddy’s voice. As an infant everything operated on his schedule, like never leaving the house practically because he refused to nurse under a blanket. One of my favorite pregnant memories of Tristan is whenever I’d spoon Jesse, and he’d say something, Tristan would literally kick Jesse as if to say “don’t forget I’m here too”.  Tristan is such a blessing to our lives, and to every life he touches.  He is a lot to handle at first, but that kid wears his heart on his sleeve.  I have so much pride in our little man I could go on and on for days. But I’ll try to keep this simple and to the point. Tristan is a kind hearted little boy who loves his sister because “she my bwest fwiend” and I have been quite possibly the happiest Mom when I watch him dote on Brianna. Watching them together, I know without a shadow of a doubt they really are going to be best friends, and he’ll always look out for her. I love that Tristan accepts everybody. Even if that means he’ll talk to a complete stranger like they are long lost family, and hug kids he’s just barely met. I love that he will try to nurse an already dead bug, because he doesn’t want it to suffer. I love the way he’s always communicated so eloquently. They said babies don’t sign early than 12 months-ish; Tristan was signing to us as early as 9 months. Problem is that kid hasn’t stopped communicating his points so well, since thenJ. To this day, I swear the kid just wants to be heard! I love that Tristan is the ying to my yang…that kid sees the world from a different angle. He has a vivid, really vivid imagination with limitless possibilities that keeps me young too. I love his curiosity that he always wants to know how things work, why things are that way etc. He is a Three year old who loves the discovery channel for that reason.  I also adore the fact he’s been a smiling, giggling, and being attention whore since the moment he realized what affect he had on his surroundings when he did so. But the thing I adore most about Tristan? These three years he has shown me parts of myself I didn’t know I had. Taught me about the world from a perspective that people too often miss out on. He has shown me a true strength, because he is my inspiration. He holds fast to his Daddy being a super hero “Awmy” guy, and that’s all he needs to get through all the challenges he’s already had to face so young. He doesn’t care how things are, because he knows they are going to always be better…somehow at so young. The average Three year old hasn’t lived in 4 different states, traveled cross country 3 times, had war “explained” to them, had to say goodbye so many times, have Daddy gone for so many things and still come out so well rounded. I can safely say that he has changed Jesse and I, made us stronger and sooo much better. Happy Birthday to our little Love bug! He truly is one of the best things to have ever happened to us.
 Welcome T 6:46 AM August 29th,2008
 Daddy's Little Man from Day One
 First Birthday
 Second Birthday
 With his love of flowers, we've always "stopped to smell the roses"
 St.Louis Zoo
 So patriotic at so young...Daddy really is his hero
 Mr. Show Stopper
 Goof ball from the begining

I love him<3<3<3<3

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Motivator List

Too often you come across the Army wife who takes her plight and turns it into the next Days of Our Lives. Honestly, I will admit sometimes this job sucks. It’s not always sunshine and lollipops…but what in this life that is worth a damn really is? Anything worth having or doing is not ever easy. So here’s the deal rather than feeling sorry for myself the other day when I was having a “bad” day, I started to motivate myself by creating a mental list of the pros of deployments (if you are a civilian you are probably saying “how is there anything good about a deployment?”). I thought out of the interest of fulfilling my free time and possibly amusing fellow “Domestic engineers”, I’d share said list. So here it is in no specific order what so ever.
1.       I save a butt load of money on toiletries i.e. razors, make up, hairstyling products because I only dress up for myself,  and when I have to time too( so far I can count 5 occasions where I put on makeup while Jesse has been gone)
2.       The part of the house that can’t be seen on the webcam isn’t always clean…but as far as Jesse is concerned it’s spotless (I did just blow my cover). That’s not to say he would be bothered by it but I wonder what he thinks I do with my free time when the house isn’t clean.
3.       The kids and I can wear our PJs all day if we’d like and there’s no one that’s going to walk in and go “WTF??”
4.       I can watch any show I want. I watch the crap TV that if Jesse was sitting next to me would say “Why do you care?? Who are these ladies anyway” (Housewives of…series, Jerseylicious etc.)
5.       My delicates and camisoles stay nice because there are no uniforms in the wash
6.       Laundry demand is cut in half... see #3
7.       There are less dishes to be done
8.       Groceries aren’t needed quite as often
9.       I can cook whatever I feel like…PBJ for dinner heck yes!
10.   I can hog the covers, turn up the heat, or turn it down and there is not compromise necessary
11.   I have finally get a go at things I never would before…i.e. car, garage, yard etc.(that’s not to say I like it, but being able to see what I’m capable of is always empowering)
12.   For the time being I’m B’s Favorite(until Daddy gets on Skype then she’s back to hating MommyJ)
13.   I get to pick Scentsy smells Jesse can’t stand
14.   I wear the perfume he doesn’t like, and lip gloss with coconut flavor(he’s allergic)
15.   I don’t have alarm clocks going off
16.   I get to pick all the movies
17.   If I don’t’ leave the house, I don’t have to wear a bra all day if I don’t feel like it
18.   No whiskers in the sink, or farmer’s blow boogers on the shower wall
19.   The truck music is almost always what I want(when Tristan doesn’t request rock n’ roll)
20.   I can dress the kids in all the clothes I think are cute and don’t need a second opinion on
I love Jesse, so much sometimes it hurts.  There are so many things that suck about deployment that’s definitely a fact, that list is almost 3 times as long. But, sometimes at least for me it helps to try, really really try, to look at the glass half full. Otherwise, I think we’d all just lose it. Because if I spent my time feeling sorry for myself, crying about how lonely I get then I’d be wasting my time, that’s not going to do anything but make this time go even slower.   For now , I  look at this list when I feel like poop; like this deployment is just taking too damn long to be over, and I just can’t go another day without my best friend and I remember it’s always doable…just one day at a timeJ.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Tears in Target and All!!

My week was quite a dousy! I can say with much certainty that a deployment for however long is quite possibly the World’s Largest rollercoaster (of emotions obviously!) I was nothing short of a disoriented hot mess this past week, and I think I have cried in public this past week, more than I have in my 26 years of life. It all started on Monday when my sweet, loving husband misspoke.  I’m just saying that he misspoke because I’m still processing the denial and am still trying to accept that there may have been a little truth to his “observations”.  Long story short, the man pointed out that at 12 PM I was still sitting on the couch in a messy house, in my pjs, with kids still rocking theirs too. He hinted that perhaps I just may be allowing myself to become too lax…that perhaps the kids may need more from me too. So this was phase one of my emotional journey. I started the week a little bitter, and annoyed. Any other wives of deployed spouses find that their hubbies always have the “solution”? These brilliant methods that sound awesome in theory and “so easy” that will solve it all? ARGGH! I find that I too would probably be the best disciplining, planning etc. too if I had peace and quiet in my free time.  But here’s where I started really falling apart.
    I mailed a card to my Grandma from the kids and I for her Birthday and forgot to address the card, both return and addressee! All it had on it was The Lemons in the corner and Grandma Glenda on the front….genius. Not to mention we started the journey of potty training with Tristan. I cried when Tristan went potty for the first time in a long time because I realized how much Jesse was truly missing out on, there I was dancing and celebrating…alone. To add salt to well…tears I guess, Tristan said “My Daddy is going be sooo proud me! Can we talk Dad on TV?”  The days came and gone and I found myself  crying on Tuesday because I just lost my patience and willpower throughout the day with the kiddos…just one of those days where the Mommy in me had vacated the building and these two little monsters were taking over! I swear the kids chose the one day I am in my worst mood to be the biggest brats ha-ha, or it just seems that way because they are just mimicking my mood…either way we were struggling to get alongJ. Wednesday finally rolled around, and this meant Mom day. Although I had high hopes of a very low impact emotion day it became the opposite. I took myself to lunch and while standing in line at Panera I saw a man in uniform walk in holding hands with this adorable little girl about maybe 3…she looked at her Daddy and said “I’m so glad you came home so we could have a date”…I cried. Lame I hate crying in public, I always have but there I was trying to casually brush tears away like it was no big deal. I thought the crying was most definitely over then and there. So I went to Target and thought I’d buy a card for Jesse’s birthday. This is something I usually love to do, because I adore my husband and I love to spoil him any chance I get (I really am not making this part up…I still gush over him…most of the time). Anyways, as I’m going through the cards I come across this one that starts with “I love sitting on the couch watching movies with after the kids are in bed”… “I love holding your hand in the car going nowhere in particular”… “I love kissing you after work asking you how your day went”…and “I love watching our children play together with you on a summer afternoon”…blah blah blah. I didn’t get through the rest because there I stood in the card aisle blubbering like a little baby. This stupid Hallmark card pointed out a lot of things I adore about my husband, but it also made it very obvious all the things I’ve been going without all this deployment. Things you miss here and there on the “bad days” but otherwise you forget in the chaos of trying to keep your head above water. The worst part about crying in public AGAIN(I swear I’m really not into crying) was this almost 80 year old woman came up to me and put her hand on my shoulder and said, “Are you going to be alright dear…those Hallmark cards aren’t all that bad??” No, but my emotional state obviously is! I didn’t say that of course, I simply thanked her for her concern wiped my tears and continued shopping in emotional shameJ.
                But on the bright side the roller coaster is finally taking us up. Of course not before I eyeballed a few maternity outfits in the lounge wear section at Target. I was really debating purchasing them, until I realized wait…these are nursing snaps on the top and that’s for sure way too big of an elastic for regular pants. My inner fatass needs a good beat down!! (But seriously why would anyone NOT want stretchy everything ;)) Tristan started singing to the radio in the truck which I adore. Brianna reaches for Tristan’s hand almost every outing we go on. But the biggest “ups” this week? When I heard Tristan say to Brianna “Hold my hand sister. It’s ok I here protect you, keep you safe from Monsters” and when he kissed me during the storm the other night and said “I here protect you, and Bnana (Brianna) and keep you safe for Daddy…I be big kid so Daddy can do work”<3 My little man is sometimes braver and stronger through all this than I ever thought he’d be…and more so than myself some days. I cried that night too as I tucked him in…but not because I was a hot mess anymore(well still kind of),but because I  think we’re doing a damn good job riding this roller coaster… tears in Target and all.